E387 | How to Deal with Defensive People Who Project

Wait... when did this become my fault? Why do I feel like I’m being indicted?  That’s not at all what I meant when I said that.  I have no idea how we got to the point where I’m the one feeling guilty. We’ve all been in this situation before. You thought you were having an honest conversation—but somehow, things flipped. Now it’s uncomfortable. You must have said something that offended them… right?  But did you?  How did what you said get twisted into that? And now, out of nowhere, you’re the bad guy. People can be simple, complex, complicated, and convoluted—all at the same time. Sometimes we send a clear input through someone, and because of ego, insecurity, or other unresolved stuff, it comes out the other side as something completely different, leaving them defensive. Now they’re projecting. And now you’re stuck dealing with the fallout. It’s more common than ever in the world we live in today—so let’s break it down. What kinds of tactics can we use to lower the temperature and get back on solid ground? How can we preemptively shield ourselves and make sure the signal doesn’t get lost in the noise? In this episode Brett covers: What projection is and why people resort to it How to frame your words for someone who internalizes everything Go-to scripts and phrases to use when things start heating up Strategically call out dramatic behavior and get to the root of the pattern Setting realistic expectations when someone isn’t ready to face themselves—and you have to choose between being right or being happy 🎤 Art of Coaching Live Events Let’s be honest—most workshops leave you with a notebook full of tips and no real plan for change. Ours are built different. At Art of Coaching, you won’t just sit and take notes. You’ll engage in real scenarios—role-plays, peer feedback, video breakdowns, and live evaluations—designed to help you sharpen your communication, think on your feet, and handle tough conversations with more clarity and control. Whether you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive coworker, trying to be more assertive without burning bridges, stuck in tension at home, or just tired of second-guessing yourself socially or professionally—we can help. This is potent personal and professional development that actually sticks. No fluff. No filler. We offer multiple pricing tiers and discounts—reach out at info@artofcoaching.com and we’ll help make it work for you. Upcoming Workshops: 📍 Melbourne, AU – Aug 23‑24  (The Apprenticeship™) 📍 Phoenix, AZ – Oct 11‑12  (Speaker School™) 📍 Murfreesboro, TN – Oct 25‑26  (The Apprenticeship™) 📍 Charlestown, MA – Nov 15‑16  (The Apprenticeship™) 🔗 artofcoaching.com/events Real Coaching for Real Life Let’s be honest—everyone says they want growth, but putting in the work? That’s where most people just stick to what’s comfortable.. That’s why we created a mentoring service built for the real world. Whether you’re stuck on a professional decision, starting a business, writing a book, dealing with pressure at home, or just trying to get out of your own way—we can help. This isn’t therapy. And it’s not a rah-rah, feel-good session either. It’s direct, tailored coaching from people who’ve been in the trenches—leaders, operators, educators, business owners. Our team of 15 comes from a wide range of backgrounds, so you’re matched with someone who understands your world and knows how to push you forward. Everyone needs a coach. We’re here when you’re ready. 🔗 artofcoaching.com/mentoring Related Episodes: E313 | How To Communicate With Someone Who Shuts Down or Stonewalls Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb