219. Overstimulated, Overwhelmed, and Over It: Emotion Regulation During the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be joyful—but for many families, they quietly amplify stress, overwhelm, and emotional reactivity. In this special crossover episode with Parents of the Year podcast, Dr. Caroline and her husband Andrew step away from “perfect holiday” pressure and take a psychologically grounded look at why emotions run hotter during the holidays, for both kids and adults. We explore how disrupted routines, sensory overload, social comparison, family dynamics, and unrealistic expectations tax the nervous system—and why emotional meltdowns, irritability, withdrawal, or disappointment are not signs of failure, but signals of dysregulation. This episode bridges emotion regulation science with real-life parenting moments, including: ·       Why overstimulation is often behind kids’ holiday meltdowns ·       How social media comparison fuels anxiety and emotional exhaustion ·       The role of structure, predictability, and proactive planning in regulation ·       Why parents’ emotional regulation sets the ceiling for their children’s ·       How to identify non-negotiables, let go of the rest, and reduce emotional load ·       Practical strategies for creating “magical moments” without emotional burnout Rather than trying to make emotions disappear, this conversation focuses on helping families anticipate emotional needs, regulate proactively, and respond with intention instead of reactivity. Want to learn more about boosting resilience during the holidays? Check out these episodes: Holiday Stress? Here's How to Build Real Resilience (https://youtu.be/jXgq7dn-hR4) How can we nurture kids' emotional resilience during the holidays? (https://youtu.be/jXgq7dn-hR4) Homework Ideas Do a “Holiday Load” Scan (5 minutes) Goal: Reduce dysregulation by identifying what’s actually taxing the nervous system. Do: Write down the top 3 things that reliably spike stress for your child/teen (e.g., crowds, late nights, lots of visits, too many transitions) and the top 3 that spike stress for you. Use it: Pick one lever to change this week (sleep, pacing, fewer events, quieter mornings, etc.). Resource: A simple “HALT” check (Hungry, Angry/Anxious, Lonely, Tired) + add S for Sensory. Choose 2 Non-Negotiables + 2 Flexibles Goal: Lower conflict and decision fatigue; clarify boundaries ahead of time. Do:Non-negotiables (examples): “We don’t do three houses in one day,” “We eat before we go,” “We leave by 7:30.”Flexibles: “Which movie?” “Which dessert?” “When we open gifts (within a window).”Share it with your child/teen (and any other adults involved) before the big day. Resource: Brief script:“Here’s what matters most to me so everyone’s nervous system is okay…”“Here’s what you can choose so it still feels fun for you…” Build a Regulation Plan: Before / During / After Goal: Move from reactive parenting to proactive emotion regulation. Do: Create a 3-part plan: Before: sleep, food, hydration, quiet time, predict the tough moments During: micro-breaks, movement, sensory supports, time limits After: decompression time, low-demand evening, early bedtime when possible Resource: “30/30 Rule” for high stimulation days: every ~30–60 minutes of stimulation, aim for a brief downshift (bathroom break, fresh air, water, quiet corner). Replacement Behaviours for Screen/Scroll Traps Goal: Reduce comparison + mindless scrolling (a major holiday stress amplifier). Do: Choose a replacement behaviour you’ll do instead of scrolling when stressed:5-minute walkshort stretchtea + 3 slow breathstext one friend directly (real connection) Resource: Set a phone boundary: “No social media before noon” or “10 minutes max, with a timer.” Create a “Code Word” + Exit Plan (Kids and Teens) Goal: Give kids a dignified way to signal overwhelm without melting down. Do: Pick a code word (e.g., “yellow light,” “reset,” “quiet break”). Define what happens when they use it:you step out togetherthey go to a quiet spotheadphones/hoodie breakshort car break if needed Resource: Collaborative language:“Your job is to notice overwhelm early. My job is to help you reset.” Practice “Containment” When Volume or Energy Rises Goal: Prevent spirals by regulating yourself first. Do: When you notice irritation rising:Pause (one breath)Name internally: “My nervous system is activated.”Do one downshift: step away, splash cold water, 10 slow exhales, or a short walk. Resource: A simple mantra: “I can be the calm, even when it’s loud.” Set Expectations Explicitly Goal: Reduce disappointment driven by vague, magical expectations. Do: Ask:“What are you most excited about—specifically?”“What would make the day feel like a win?”Then set realistic anchors:one meaningful momentone active thingone connection point Resource: “Lower the bar, deepen the moment.” (Connection > performance.) Plan for Sensory Needs Goal: Prevent overload (lights, noise, crowds, scratchy clothes, social demands). Do: Pack a “regulation kit”:headphones/earbudsgum/mintsfidgethoodie/comfort itemsunglasses/hatsnack + water Resource: Let kids opt into brief “parallel play” (being near others without forced interaction). Use “Let It Go vs. Address It” Sorting Goal: Avoid adults getting pulled into old roles and conflicts. Do: Before gatherings, decide:2 things you’ll let go (minor irritations)1 thing you’ll address if needed (a true boundary)Use a short phrase to hold it:“Not today.”“That’s not up for discussion.”“We’re keeping it simple this year.” Resource: “Boundaries are kind when they’re clear.” End-of-Day Debrief: 3–2–1 Reset Goal: Teach emotional learning without shame; build resilience over time. Do (at bedtime or next morning):3 things that went okay2 moments that were hard1 tweak for next time Resource: Keep it brief and neutral. The point is learning, not blame. Bonus The holidays represent a perfect storm for dysregulation: ·       Increased sensory input (noise, crowds, events) ·       Disrupted routines (sleep, meals, schedules) ·       Heightened expectations (“This should be special”) ·       Social comparison (especially via social media) ·       Relational triggers (family dynamics, unresolved patterns)   1. Emotions Escalate When Predictability Drops   When structure disappears, the nervous system has to work harder. For children especially, this can lead to: ·       irritability ·       emotional outbursts ·       shutdown or withdrawal   The solution isn’t stricter control—it’s intentional scaffolding: ·       spacing events ·       building in rest ·       protecting sleep and nutrition ·       pacing stimulation   2. Overstimulation Looks Like “Bad Behaviour”   Holiday meltdowns are often mislabeled as entitlement or attitude. In reality, they are frequently signs of: ·       sensory overload ·       emotional saturation ·       unmet regulation needs   This episode reframes behaviour as communication—consistent with an emotion-coaching lens.   3. Parents’ Regulation Is the Regulating Force   Children borrow regulation from adults.   When parents: ·       anticipate their own limits, ·       step away before exploding, ·       name and honor boundaries, they are modeling exactly the skills we want children to internalize.   This is co-regulation in action.   4. Expectations Drive Emotional Pain   Disappointment often comes not from what happens, but from the gap between: ·       what we imagined, and ·       what actually unfolded.   This episode emphasizes helping both adults and children: ·       name expectations, ·       reality-check them, ·       and flexibly adjust rather than collapse into frustration.   5. Emotion Regulation Is Proactive, Not Reactive   Regulation works best before emotions peak so it’s important to use proactive strategies such as: ·       identifying non-negotiables in advance ·       planning recovery time ·       setting clear internal boundaries ·       collaborating with children ahead of time   Suggested Listener Reflection Questions ·       What parts of the holidays are most dysregulating for me? ·       Which expectations am I carrying that may not be realistic? ·       Where could less stimulation create more connection? ·       What would it look like to model emotional boundaries for my child? ·       How can I help my family “ride the wave” rather than fight it?  Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh Follow Dr. Caroline YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzanko IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/ LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzanko Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/ Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/ Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/ Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/ Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/