#219 Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing

Most people date the wrong way. They chase the spark, mistake attraction for compatibility, and expect their partners to read their minds. Then they wonder why relationships don’t last. Logan Ury thinks about dating differently. As the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, she’s spent years studying what actually makes relationships work. Her findings will change the way you think about attraction, communication, and commitment. In this conversation, Logan reveals why the spark is overrated, how to optimize your dating profile, and the one thing (actually, 8) you must do after every first date. We break down attachment theory, orbiting, polyamory, and having hard conversations in a healthy way. We get answers to questions like: "what’s an appropriate age gap?" and "what to say if you’re not interested after a date?" Plus, Logan shares how she made the decision to be with her husband and the importance of “other significant others.”      If you want to stop wasting time on the wrong people and start building something real, this episode is for you.   (2:49) First Dates and the Slow Burn (8:07) The Post-Date 8 (14:30) Dating Like a Scientist (15:50) The Height thing... (18:56) The Spark vs Lust (26:35) Fear of Rejection (29:01) Understanding Attachment Theory (39:20) Navigating Online Dating (41:36) Effective Communication in Dating (51:58) Texting Etiquette (01:05:33) Dealing with Rejection (01:08:44) Polyamory (01:13:32) Orbiting (01:30:45) Logan's Story of Meeting Her Husband (01:37:12) Navigating Crucial Decision Points in Relationships (01:41:48) Having Difficult Conversations in Relationships (01:50:15) Other Significant Others (01:59:05) Breaking Up Respectfully (02:02:08) Tips for Creating Dating Profiles   Logan Ury is a behavioral scientist, dating coach, and the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge. She’s the bestselling author of How Not to Die Alone.  Newsletter - The Brain Food newsletter delivers actionable insights and thoughtful ideas every Sunday. It takes 5 minutes to read, and it’s completely free. Learn more and sign up at fs.blog/newsletter Upgrade — If you want to hear my thoughts and reflections at the end of the episode, join our membership: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠fs.blog/membership⁠⁠ and get your own private feed. Watch on YouTube: @tkppodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices