187. Are kids really manipulating us—or are we reinforcing their behaviour?

Kids don’t manipulate—they learn. And often, they’re learning from us. In this episode of Overpowering Emotions, Dr. Caroline Buzanko takes a hard look at what’s really going on when adults feel “manipulated” by big emotions. Whether it’s whining, shouting, tears, or shutdowns, we unpack how reinforcement, not manipulation, shapes behavior—and what we can do to stop accidentally teaching kids to rely on emotional outbursts to get what they want. Perfect for anyone with kids or working with kids, this episode delivers: ·       Why kids lean on emotional reactions (and how they get reinforced) ·       How to stop giving mixed signals without shutting down expression ·       Tools to validate emotion without rewarding behavior ·       Consistent boundaries that build real emotional skill Prefer to WATCH? Homework Ideas Audit Your Reactions ·       Track one situation where a child whines, yells, or shuts down ·       Write down your response ·       Ask: Did I reinforce the behaviour? Did I validate the emotion without changing the rule? Practice Broken Record Validation ·       Create a go-to phrase: “I hear you. That’s frustrating.” ·       Repeat it calmly when pushback increases—but don’t budge on the boundary. Teach the Rules of Communication ·       Frontload expectations: “I don’t understand whining. Talk to me when you’re ready.” ·       Respond with calm consistency every time. Model Emotion Ownership Use your own stress moments to say: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m going to take a walk and come back when I’m calm.” Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/