186. Why do kids resist help?

Why do kids push back when we’re just trying to help? Why do teens dig in their heels at the simplest request? In this episode, Dr. Caroline chats about the psychology behind resistance—what it really means when children, students, or even adults reject support. We explore: • The real reason behind pushback (hint: it’s not defiance) • What “invisible support” looks like—and why it works • Why autonomy matters more than compliance • Subtle strategies to offer help without undermining confidence • How teachers, parents, and professionals can model emotional regulation without a power struggle Listen in for practical ways to build trust, offer support that actually works, and create space for real emotional growth. Prefer to watch? Check it out HERE Homework Ideas Weekly Reflection Challenge: 1.     Identify one moment where you usually offer help. 2.     Ask: Is this child resisting because they feel controlled? 3.     Try giving two choices that lead to the same outcome. 4.     Use the phrase: “Let me know if you need me.” 5.     Watch for any shift in response. Did they engage more? Observation TaskWatch for a moment your child or student resists your suggestion.Pause. Reflect. Was it about control?Journal the interaction and how it might be reframed next time. Invisible Support Ideas – Helping Without Taking Over Here are some ideas of subtle strategies to support children and teens while respecting their independence and building confidence. 🧠 EMOTIONAL SUPPORT:Sit nearby during homework time without saying anything.Bring them a cup of tea when they seem overwhelmed.Use calming tone and body language instead of trying to talk them down.Say "I'm here if you need me," then step back. 🛠️ ENVIRONMENTAL SUPPORT:Create a distraction-free workspace they’ll want to be in.Loosen tight laces or prep materials subtly so they experience success.Handle background logistics quietly (e.g., prep snacks, tidy space). 🗣️ COMMUNICATION SUPPORT:Ask open-ended questions: "What do you think might help right now?"Avoid directives. Use gentle prompts: "I wonder if..."Instead of correcting, circle or highlight an area for improvement. 🏁 TASK SUPPORT:Handle a small errand for them when they’re visibly stressed.Model problem-solving out loud rather than instructing directly.Let them take the lead, even if it means small mistakes. Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/