Numbing the Pain: Unfinished Grief and Recovery

Ryan’s story is a powerful journey through early substance use, deep loss, incarceration, and ultimately finding real recovery. From growing up seeking acceptance, to losing his closest friend at 16, to years of cycling between numbness and despair, Ryan opens up about the turning points that shifted his life. He reflects on the moment he almost gave up, how connection inside prison planted the first seeds of recovery, and how service, honesty, and community helped him rebuild his life. Today, with six months in recovery, a thriving small business, and strong family relationships, Ryan talks about healing, purpose, and the simple daily actions that keep him grounded. His message to anyone struggling: you’re not alone, and recovery is absolutely possible. 00:00 – Intro & Recovery Dates 00:52 – How They First Met 01:19 – Reuniting Inside AA Meetings 02:07 – Ryan’s Childhood 03:26 – Meeting the Friend Who Shaped Everything 04:00 – First Time Trying to “Feel Something” 05:00 – Becoming the “Go-To” Guy 05:36 – The Night Everything Changed 07:27 – Grief He Never Faced 08:30 – Homeless at 18 09:30 – Crossing Lines & Getting Arrested 10:19 – “Recovery Curious” 12:43 – Hearing the 15-Year Offer 14:17 – The Serenity Prayer Moment 16:05 – Tier 4 Program & Real Change 17:15 – Coming Home With Purpose 18:44 – Finding Community Again 19:58 – Being Around Recovery vs. In Recovery 21:42 – Substitution & Spiraling 22:28 – Losing Himself Again 23:08 – New Year’s at His Friend’s Grave 24:21 – Choosing Recovery For Real 25:00 – Returning to CCAR 25:46 – Life in Recovery Today 26:43 – Rebuilding Family Bonds 27:27 – Growing His Landscaping Business 28:20 – Daily Program & Service 28:59 – “If I Can Do It, Anyone Can” 29:25 – Advice for the First 24 Hours ----Across the Web---- 🌎 CCAR Website https://www.ccar.us ✉️ Donate: https://ccar.us/donate/ 🎙Recovery Matters Podcast (Apple Music): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... 🎙Recovery Matters Podcast (Spotify): https://open.spotify.com/show/1wGUMMO... 🗣Recovery Matters Podcast TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@recoverymatterspodcast? 🗣Recovery Matters Podcast Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recoverymatterspodcast/ 🗣CCAR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CCAR4Recovery 📸CCAR Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ccar4recovery 🐦CCAR Twitter: https://twitter.com/ccar4recovery