#32 Vanessa Van Edwards on How to Liberate Yourself from Social Anxiety

"Captivate" is more than just the title of her new book, it is the effect that Vanessa Van Edwards has on audiences through her videos, articles, and data-driven insights. Vanessa is a self-described recovering awkward person who went from hiding in the bathroom and avoiding people at parties to literally writing the book on deciphering human behavior. She founded her own research lab, the Science of People, and has traveled the world as a speaker presenting her findings to prestigious universities, Fortune 500 companies, and media outlets such as The Today Show, The Wall Street Journal, and much more. Learn from the certified fraud examiner, body language expert, and author as she shares practical insights for decoding human behavior in this episode of Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu.   PULL QUOTES “I believe that every person has a cipher. They have a set of values that you can solve about them…if you turn it in the right ways.” [8:13]   “If we feel like we can change everything, we also might not optimize for how we are naturally wired.” [20:36]   “The biggest thing that happens with friendships is that they do go stale.” [25:32]   “We can unlearn our helplessness to learn to help ourselves.” [55:26]   “We don’t realize that happiness comes in these very small moments every day.” [55:57]   “Look at your struggle as immersive empathy.” [48:46] SHOW NOTES   Vanessa explains what drew her to the science of solving people and why everyone has a cipher. [6:44] Vanessa provides the keys to understanding yourself or someone else. [10:07] Tom and Vanessa discuss the gravity of language, personality types, and neuroticism. [13:40] Vanessa explains why self-soothing is important to balance. [19:00] Vanessa explores the notion of radical honesty and deconstructs ambivalent relationships.  [22:53] Vanessa reveals the one question to ask that uncovers toxic relationships. [26:50] Vanessa breaks down why she believes you can smell emotions. [30:58] Tom and Vanessa discuss leveraging your uniqueness to communicate the right message. [33:54] Vanessa talks about the personality matrix, radical honesty in relationships, and the resource theory. [39:39] Vanessa reiterates the importance of self-soothing and emotional versus logistical worries. [49:30] Tom and Vanessa touch on the link between happiness and learned helplessness. [53:43] Vanessa shares how she turns small moments of unhappiness into gratitude totems. [57:30] Vanessa defines the impact that she wants to have on the world. [59:28]   MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE BOOKS/COURSES Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People - http://amzn.to/2vbOxox [1:54] Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You - http://amzn.to/2f2QYUi [15:28] The Power of Happiness Course - http://bit.ly/2gVfyqr [55:38]   PEOPLE Sam Gosling - http://bit.ly/2gThqjy  [15:25] Martin Seligman - http://bit.ly/2vz8x27 [54:14]   FOLLOW VANESSA: FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/2tQoA9n INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/2uM1oxi TWITTER: http://bit.ly/2uMmn34 LINKEDIN: http://bit.ly/2vwrbrj WEBSITE: http://bit.ly/1mfaup9 YOUTUBE: http://bit.ly/2uLGzTb