Facing Estrangement? Ask Yourself These Questions

The decision to cut off a family member is a difficult one. Estrangement is an attempt to solve a painful, systemic relationship problem. This monumental move should be deeply considered, and my collectivist approach to therapy encourages being curious about and striving to understand how the different contexts our family members—epsecially those with a generational divide—grew up and live within can impact how we show up in our relationships. Without, of course, ever dismissing the very real trauma that can precede an estrangement. In this in-depth solo episode, I explore the dynamics of cut-offs, including what both the official research and my recent social media survey have to say. Then, I offer three relational self-awareness questions for folks on both sides of the estrangement experience: those considering cutting off a family member and those who are about to be or have been cut off. These questions aim to support compassionate dialogue that increases both party’s chances of finding a solution. Whether you are the estranger or the estranged, it is my hope that this conversation will leave you with some tools and a perspective you may not have considered, one that takes each person’s lived experience into consideration and opens up the possibility of finding a middle ground between an unhealthy status quo and walking away. Relevant Links:Get your companion workbook - https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/cutoffMy talk on 1A: “When Loved Ones Become Strangers” - https://the1a.org/segments/when-loved-ones-become-strangers/Reimagining Love Episode: “End or Mend: Managing Difficult Family Relationships with Nedra Tawwab” - https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/end-or-mend-managing-difficult-family-relationships-with-nedra-tawwab/APA article: “Estrangement Is Never Easy or Straightforward. Psychologists Can Help” - https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/healing-pain-estrangementVogue article: “Why So Many People (Myself Included) Are Experiencing Family Estrangement” - https://www.vogue.com/article/why-so-many-people-are-experiencing-family-estrangementAeon article: “Estrangement” - https://aeon.co/essays/modern-culture-blames-parents-for-forces-beyond-their-controlOrder Dr. Alexandra's latest book, Love Every DaySubscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s NewsletterSubmit a Listener Question Build essential relationship skills with MasterClass. Dr. Alexandra, Ryan Holiday, and other experts share how you can improve communication, resilience, and relationships with the class “Using Ancient Wisdom to Solve Modern Problems”. Learn more at http://www.masterclass.com/alexandrasolomon Hey Reimagining Love Listeners! Quick note here that we’re publishing new episodes on an every other week schedule with occasional bonus episodes sprinkled throughout, at least until the end of the year. If you're craving more content in the meantime, you can always search the back catalog and/or find juicy blog posts and other resources at http://dralexandrasolomon.com/