ERP 446: Dealing With Betrayal in Relationship & Learning to Forgive — An Interview with Dr. Bruce Chalmer

Infidelity—it's a word that can send shockwaves through even the most stable relationships. In our tech-driven world, the boundaries and expectations surrounding loyalty and commitment seem more convoluted than ever. Without clear communication and defined agreements, even the most well-meaning partners can find themselves entangled in misunderstandings and unanticipated crises. In this episode, we dive deep into the complexity of infidelity within contemporary relationships. We explore the importance of having candid conversations about monogamy and other expectations with your partner, guided by insights from experienced relationship experts. By examining real-life scenarios and discussing therapeutic concepts such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we aim to equip you with practical tools for handling betrayal. Additionally, we delve into the nuanced process of forgiveness, self-compassion, and the potential for growth and transformation that can arise from relationship challenges. Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist in Vermont who has been working with couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, and books, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists. Together with his wife Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer hosts the podcast “Couples Therapy in Seven Words.” His most recent book is "Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again.” Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 06:41 Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s profound exploration of forgiveness and betrayal in relationships. 10:31 How infidelity's evolving definitions complicate relationship expectations. 13:52 What forgiveness truly means: Accepting reality without condoning actions. 23:29 Three steps to forgiveness. 34:01 Struggles with emotional connection due to trauma. 40:53 How attachment system impacts security and emotional responses. 47:15 Communication issues often indicate deeper underlying conflicts. 49:16 Why only one partner can be upset simultaneously. 55:16 Why assigning good or bad is often misleading. Mentioned Betrayal and Forgiveness (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) My Stroke of Insight (*TED Talks link) (video) Crucible Institute by Dr. David Schnarch (website) Intimacy & Desire by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Resurrecting Sex by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) ERP 110: How to Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs in Relationship ERP 015: Do You Have a “Unity” or “Journey” Mindset in Relationship? ERP 423: How to Transcend Trauma (And the Effects Experience in Relationship) — An Interview with Dr. Frank Anderson The Gottman Institute (website) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication Connect with Dr. Bruce Chalmer Websites: brucechalmer.com | couplestherapyinsevenwords.com Facebook: facebook.com/drbrucechalmer YouTube: youtube.com/user/brucechalmer LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/bruce-chalmer-95ab70305/ Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/couples-therapy-in-seven-words/id1517231158 Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.