503: How to Feel Safe in Love: Healing Attachment Wounds and Building Secure Relationships — An Interview with Jessica Baum

Many of us move through life repeating the same painful relationship patterns—feeling unsafe, unseen, or disconnected, even when we're trying our hardest to "do everything right." Invisible wounds from early experiences quietly shape the ways we love, cope, and relate as adults. Instead of recognizing these patterns as natural adaptations, we often turn the blame inward, not realizing that our attachment styles and protective behaviors are rooted in the body and nervous system as much as the mind. Real healing isn't about forcing change or consuming endless self-help advice—it's about reshaping your internal sense of safety on a deeply felt, embodied level. In this episode, we explore how secure, nourishing relationships begin with understanding the implicit memories, sensations, and patterns that live inside us. Learn how to meet old wounds with compassion, honor the protective parts that once kept you safe, and gently build new internal anchors of stability and trust. Using tools like the Wheel of Attachment and the practice of "finding your anchors," this episode offers both a clear roadmap and grounded encouragement for anyone ready to move beyond survival mode and experience connection that feels authentic, spacious, and truly supportive. Jessica Baum is a licensed psychotherapist, certified addiction specialist, and Imago couples therapist with advanced training in EMDR, CBT, DBT, and experiential therapy. She founded the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach and leads a global coaching company supporting clients worldwide. Passionate about trauma, attachment, and interpersonal neurobiology, Jessica helps individuals and couples heal and reconnect. Her bestselling book, Anxiously Attached, has made her a respected voice in nurturing secure, fulfilling relationships.   Episode Highlights 05:55 How early experiences shape our sense of safety. 07:48 Implicit memories and relationship patterns. 11:09 The importance of somatic (body-based) memory. 13:14 Reconnecting with the body for healing. 18:42 Understanding and honoring protective behaviors. 21:40 Building trust in healthier relationship dynamics. 25:00 The essential role of anchors in healing. 26:06 Why healing requires relationships, not willpower. 31:43 Finding and cultivating emotional anchors. 35:05 The Wheel of Attachment: A nuanced approach. 37:45 Earning security through supportive experiences. 40:31 Moving toward fulfillment: Real connection and support.   Your Check List of Actions to Take Slow down and take mindful pauses to help connect with your body and increase present-moment awareness. Notice physical sensations during interactions, especially in moments of emotional intensity, to access implicit memories and attachment wounds. Practice developing interoception—your ability to sense internal bodily states—to better understand your emotional responses in relationships. Identify and honor your protective patterns ("protectors") rather than judging them; acknowledge they were there to support you. Seek out safe "anchors" or individuals who can offer emotional co-regulation and support your healing process. Use the "Wheel of Attachment" framework to explore how your early relational dynamics show up in current relationships. If you lack supportive anchors, resource from memories of secure figures (e.g., a teacher, grandparent) or pursue professional support. Engage in relationships and healing spaces where vulnerability, witnessing, and somatic attunement are encouraged, facilitating earned secure attachment over time.   Mentioned Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love SAFE (Interview and freebies link) Nurturing the Heart (Dr. Bonnie Badenoch's website) Conscious Relationship Group (Facebook group) (link) Relationship Institute of Palm Beach ERP 342: How Love Transforms Our Nervous System — An Interview With Jessica Baum ERP 276: Understanding The Need For Both Self-Regulation And Co-Regulation In Relationship – An interview With Deb Dana ERP 261: How To Strengthen Your Relationship From A Polyvagal Perspective – An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges ERP 423: How To Transcend Trauma (And The Effects Experience In Relationship) — An Interview With Dr. Frank Anderson 12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free guide)   Connect with Jessica Baum Websites: beselffull.com Facebook: facebook.com/consciousrelationshipgroup YouTube: youtube.com/@jessicabaumlmhc Instagram: instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc