253: The Resilience Myth, with Soraya Chemaly

What comes to your mind when you picture someone who’s resilient?  Usually, we hear that it’s one person who’s faced a setback, and they remain hopeful and willing to work through the challenges to return to some sort of life they had before. Maybe you’ve heard the phrase “pick themselves up by their bootstraps” to describe this type of person. We know we have. But that doesn’t always work, as we continually say.  We have a guest today who’s going to help us critically examine that image we have - and help us understand what we’re missing.  She’ll tell us we need to think critically about when it comes to glorifying resilience, especially if we’re doing it for individual gain or to showcase individual strength, without realizing that the opposite of resilience is loneliness – we have to remember the communal and community contribution to the ability to be resilient. We’re at a time in history where it feels - no matter your perspective - like the world is burning down around us. We want to trust that we will still be standing. To do it, we need to know when to be optimistic and when to be strategically pessimistic, not beat ourselves up when we’re coming up against moral injury, embrace certain ways of thinking - cognitive flexibility, for those who want the big words - and hold onto hope for the collective, above all.   What to listen for: The inaccurate understanding Americans have of resilience – and how it needs to shift from an individual to a collective focus: the opposite of resilience is loneliness.  The mind-blowing study that shows us social status matter – and reexamining preconceptions and research in positive psychology, male-focused hardiness, and more. Rethinking popular portrayals of the upcoming generation – that, maybe, “younger people aren’t distressed because they lack the right mindset or don’t understand what is happening around them. They are distressed because the world is distressing, and adults have failed them.”  How do we find hope when it feels like the world is burning around us? Have openness to difference, openness to change, and acceptance of limits.  About Soraya:  Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. As a cultural critic, she writes and speaks frequently about gender norms, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, politics, and technology. The former Executive Director of The Representation Project and Director and co-founder of the Women’s Media Center Speech Project, she has long been committed to expanding women’s civic and political participation. Soraya is also the author of The Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth after Trauma, a thought-provoking exploration that challenges our most dearly held, common myths of resilience and urges us to shift our perspective from prioritizing individualized traits and skills to uplifting collective care and open-ended connections with our communities. Her first book, Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR and has been translated into multiple languages. She is a contributor to several anthologies, most recently Free Speech in the Digital Age and Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change The World.  Soraya is also a co-producer of a WMC #NameItChangeIt PSA highlighting the effects of online harassment on women in politics in America.  Her work is featured widely in media, documentaries, books, and academic research. As an activist, Ms. Chemaly also spearheaded several successful global campaigns challenging corporations to address online hate and harassment, restrictive content moderation and censorship, and institutional biases that undermine equity and negatively affect free speech. Prior to 2010, Ms. Chemaly spent more than fifteen years as an executive and consultant in the media and data technology industries.